Caiti Quatmann (she/her) is a disabled writer and educator. She writes about issues important to her life from mental health, motherhood, and Autism/ADHD, to writing, education, and learning. She has a BA in English Literature and an MA in Writing and Composition Studies. Caiti has been published and anthologized by LitBreak Magazine, Threads LitMag, The Closed Eye Open and others. She is a regular contributor to The Association for Self-Directed Education’s (ASDE) Tipping Points Magazine, and an acting editor for HNDL Mag, and an event organizer for the discord writing server House of Letters.

Caiti has taught English and writing to middle school, high school, and undergraduate students. She currently teaches at a Montessori-inspired Microschool that utilizes self-directed education.

Caiti lives in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband, their two young children, and aged cat—all of whom she unexpectedly finds in her writing and bed. She fills her days by buying more books than she can ever hope to read and figuring out how to convince her husband to adopt a golden retriever.

You can find Caiti on Threads and Instagram.

For more information, and Caiti’s portfolio, check out her Chill Subs website.

Caiti did not make my choice for Issue 11 of Subtext easy. She sent me three poems for me to pick from, and I have to admit that it took me some time to choose one to feature. Caiti’s a phenomenal poet. Not only is she a great poet, but she also shares a daily writing prompt on Threads. Prompts that I have used to write a few of the poems you’ve seen me share in the past. I have been interested in featuring Caiti on Subtext for some time now, so I was thrilled when she sent several poems to me for consideration.

If you want your work featured, or know someone you’d love to see featured, you can email me, tag me on Threads or Instagram, or use the form on my contact page here on my website.

As I said, she did not make my choice easy. I could easily have written this issue on any one of those poems. In the end, I decided to feature “They Say ‘Not All Men’” in Issue 11. Without knowing it from the onset, you might not realize that it’s a sonnet. Fourteen lines and a traditional rhyme scheme of ABABCDCDEFEFGG. She’s done well, hiding some of the rhyme using enjambment and slant/near rhyme. I was also drawn to the subject matter and topic of her poem, which is not what you would normally “expect” in a sonnet.

If you know your sonnets, you’ll already know that Caiti wrote an English (or Shakespearean) sonnet. The other most common type of sonnet is the Italian (or Petrarchan) sonnet. The main difference between the two is the rhyme scheme and where the volta (or turn) happens. The volta is a shift, a change in the theme, argument, or emotion in the poem. A Shakespearean sonnet consists of three quatrains (four line stanzas) that buildup a subject or problem and one heroic couplet (two line stanza, but called heroic because of the same end rhyme) that concludes or resolves the subject/problem. A Petrarchan sonnet consists of an octave (eight line stanza with an ABBAABBA rhyme scheme) and the volta occurs at line nine, which is the final sestet (stanza consisting of six lines) that follows a rhyme scheme of either CDCDCD or CDECDE. The sestet in a Petrachan sonnet resolves the problem, answers the question, or relieves the tension in the octave. Traditional sonnets also use iambic pentameter. An iamb is a measure of sound and meter in poetry called a metrical foot that consists of an unstressed/stressed pair. This could be one word that is two syllables or two different words and it provides the “da-DUM” rhythm. And pentameter simply refers to the fact that there are five metrical feet in each line.

Truth be told though, the meter doesn’t carry quite the same importance in sonnets anymore (although I’m sure some would probably argue this, but that’s okay). And, if I’m being completely honest, my sense of meter is absolutely terrible to the point of non-existence. I’ve written a small handful of sonnets, but I don’t stress over the meter. The rhyme scheme (though I heavily rely on slant/near rhyme and enjambment to hide rhyme), the volta, and the strict theme are the most important ingredients in the sonnet, whether it’s Shakespearean or Petrarchan. All that said, as you read through Caiti’s sonnet “They Say ‘Not All Men’,” do you notice her using any set meter? Although I just self-professed a horrible sense of meter, I would tend to agree that she is, in fact, using iambic pentameter.

So, Caiti then has written a completely traditional Shakespearean sonnet. “But wait!” I can hear you shout. “What about love? Aren’t sonnets love poems?” Fair question. And while that may be the most common type of sonnet that we are exposed to (thanks Shakespear), the unity and cohesiveness of the theme (complete with the volta) is the most important defining characteristic. The theme and subject matter played a large role in why I chose this poem over the other ones that she shared (but it was close!). I really liked the content of this sonnet as well as how Caiti wrote about it. There’s something about the form that contrasts so marvelously against the theme. Like, it brings to mind the idea of the “white knight” in that toxic end of masculine culture. Just a very intriguing juxtaposition. With that, I suppose we should actually dive into the sonnet! So, let’s begin. I may vary as I go through the poem, but we’ll begin with the first quatrain.

In realms where good men claim to hold the reins
why stand so silent while the rogues take flight?
In podcasts, forums, echo chambers’ lanes
who stands against wrongs and for women’s rights?

Immediately, Caiti’s poem begins by asking a hard question. The first quatrain is dedicated to establishing the theme and subject of the poem, which is clearly defined in the title as well: “They Say ‘Not All Men.’” As I mentioned just a bit ago, I like the contrast here. This is clearly a modern poem, with mention of podcasts and the like, but I really like how it juxtaposes that with more “archaic”-esue or medieval language. Like realms, reins, and rogues. And the idea of the hero making a stand against the wrongs. I strongly get the impression of this poem subverting the idea of the “white knight.” The white knight is a theme I’m sure we’re all aware of: the diametric opposites of good versus evil. This could be a literal knight, or just the character archetype. Think of old westerns where the good guy is dressed in all white and the bad guy is dressed in all black. So, white knights are very rooted in literature. The idea of a champion ready to defend the innocent and those in need. Also, in the subtext, a hero to help those who are weaker. Very often a man helping a woman in a situation she “can’t” save herself from.

But this poem starts subverting that ideal. Because it immediately asks: “In realms where good men claim to hold the reins / why stand so silent while the rogues take flight?” It comes right out and states (implied through the question) that the so-called “white knights” are standing by and doing nothing. They are letting the bad guys, the rogues, run the show. I did really enjoy how “take flight” works in two ways simultaneously. One, in the sense that the (trying to think of a word for the patriarchal misogynist/chauvinist, though I suppose that’s it, isn’t it?) misogynist is allowed to escape without repercussions, and two, in the sense that the misogynist is allowed to get off the ground. Take flight. Leave the runway. Gain traction. Whatever you want to call it. So, either run away or take off (and fly). Neither option is good in this sense. Because both options imply that they are either being getting away with what they’re (the misogynists) doing or that they are being allowed to do what they are doing. Which, seeing this, is really two ways of saying the same thing. Me saying the same thing. Not Caiti. However, I tend to lean toward the second read of it, in that the misogynists are allowed to take off.

The next two lines (I would argue) support this: “In podcasts, forums, echo chambers’ lanes / who stands against wrongs and for women’s rights?” The loudest voices always seem to be the ones that spout hate and anger. Peace and support never seem to be a loud option, although they should be. They should be louder. But Caiti’s point here is a good one. Places where dialogue is impossible means that views and opinions can’t be challenged or refuted. Not even discussed. Not to say that any of these platforms are inherently bad. They aren’t. But it’s easy to see how, say, a podcast could be a one-sided conversation. For some, it can be the podium where they can stand and preach without interruption or alternative viewpoints or ideas. And that can be dangerous. Really, for either good intentions or bad. But I won’t pretend we all know which kind of echo chamber is worse.

Which is the point I believe that Caiti is making in her sonnet. Silence can be deafening when it comes from the people that are supposed to be the good guys. Okay, not can be. It is deafening. Again, I’m really drawn back to the idea of the white knight and the implications of that archetype. I can almost guarantee when I say “white knight” most will not view that term with positive inclinations anymore. We’ll get back to that. But the next quatrain further drives the problem this sonnet is presenting even further.

Vitriol towards women, loud and clear,
yet scarce a voice to challenge or rebut.
In this vast chorus, who will dare to hear
the pleas of those in pain when mouths are shut?

Unfortunately, we’ve been seeing this more and more. And I’ve seen a stream of women on Threads battling this very thing. I’ll admit, I’ve been out of touch. First, I’m a man and I’m not exposed to this kind of abuse (yes, I said abuse because it is!), and second, I honestly haven’t been remotely active in social media until Threads, so I just didn’t see it. But I’ve seen it in person, I’ve seen it on the news, and I’ve seen it secondhand. The truth is, there is not one woman out there who has not been the victim of unwanted sexual attention, abuse, or assault. This includes my wife. And this quatrain is brutal in its honesty. “Vitriol towards women, loud and clear, / yet scarce a voice to challenge or rebut.” Maybe it’s always been this bad, but I’m not the person to say. It does seem like it’s been getting continuously worse, though.

Where are the voices to combat and speak out against the constant chauvinism? The sexist rhetoric and hate? And sure, while sexism and patriarchy hurts all genders, it certainly hurts one in particular more. And the hate certainly has a loud voice. We’ve given them the platform, the podium to stand on, and the damn megaphone to spout their bullshit from. And if you think, “But I haven’t done anything to enable or empower them! I’m not like that. I treat everyone with respect, equity, and equality.”, I’ve got bad news for you. Because we haven’t done anything. Like the poem suggests, we have stayed silent. And that silence has allowed the voice of the misogynist to become louder and louder until it’s the only one being heard.

I’ll admit, I almost didn’t choose to feature this poem. I almost used another one Caiti had sent about a grandmother. But I realized the topic of this poem was too important to pass up. How could I? I would simply be contributing to the silence. I would be yet another voice, standing silent, and allowing the bigotry and sexism to rage and rage. And they’ve been able to do that simply because we stand by in silence. “In this vast chorus, who will dare to hear / the pleas of those in pain when mouths are shut?” These two lines are about as blunt as you can get. The “vast chorus” is the vitriol “loud and clear” from the misogynists. And the “pleas of those in pain.” That is such a cutting and emotional line. We know who “those” are. Women. And the line preceding that is a challenge and a rebuke: “who will dare to hear?”

This quatrain is a cutting one. A sharp rebuke. Reading those last two lines of that quatrain again, it’s not the pleas of pain that are silent, with mouths shut. No. It’s those who do not speak up or speak out against the vitriol. How can the pleas of pain be heard over the chauvinism, when that is the loudest voice? When it is the only voice. And this is where the next part, the next quatrain comes in. How many times have we heard (or even said this ourselves?) that it’s “not all men.”

If “not all men”’s the mantra, where’s the proof?
Who stands against the tide of hurt and scorn
Why not, good men, raise aloft your roof
defend the fair, and thus show noble brawn?

“Not all men.” That may be true. I certainly hope it’s true. But at the end, that’s not really the point is it? Or what matters. If it’s the mantra, “where’s the proof?” Don’t get me wrong. It’s incredibly important that it’s not all men. But it’s kind of become that mantra, hasn’t it? Like a throwaway comment. Like “thoughts and prayers.” It becomes a meaningless deflection. An affirmation that sure, there might be a problem, but there’s no teeth to it. And it’s bullshit. There’s a song by Morgan St. Jean called “Not All Men.” Listen to it. It’s important like Caiti’s poem is important. Because it’s not all men. But it is all women.

And that’s the damn simple truth that Caiti’s poem asks: “Where’s the proof?” If it really isn’t all men, then why is it such a rampant problem? Why is misogyny allowed to exist? And there’s a very simple and a very harsh truth here: it is all women who experience discrimination, abuse, assault, etc. just because they are women. And when it’s all women, how can they possibly expect to know what kind of man they are interacting with? Is he (I actually first typed “it” and had to correct myself) a misogynist? Is he a “good guy,” a “white knight?” Or is he actually an ally? Or just an “ally” that stands by and keeps his mouth shut and allows misogyny to happen? And potentially any number of other options. And if you’re trying to keep track of odds, they aren’t fucking great. You can see how it’s “not all men” quickly loses its teeth. It’s not an admission of equality and feminism. It’s a sad statement that we allow misogynists to speak and behave unchecked.

And that is entirely what that last quatrain is about. “Who stands against the tide of hurt and scorn / Why not, good men, raise aloft your roof / defend the fair, and thus show noble brawn?” What a much needed slap in the face. This is the rebuke from a woman that has experienced, like every other woman on this planet, the harmful abuse and assault of misogyny and patriarchy. I also read this as a tongue-in-cheek call out of the “white knight” types. And I know you know what I’m talking about. The man that comes in as a savior or protector. It’s a riff of the archetype. Sure, fine, it could be a woman as well. But let’s not kid ourselves here. That’s not the problem. So, I am going to say man when I talk about white knighting. I could go into what white knighting is a lot more, but I think that moves away from the point of this poem. So, if you want more information, check it out here. See also: mansplaining, the idea he is a better feminist, etc. Also, rushing to “defend” the women to garner sexual favor.

And you’ll notice here, that like the beginning of the sonnet, Caiti uses that kind of archaic or medieval language. The way the last two lines of the quatrain are phrased makes me read it more like medieval times as well. The call to “good men” to “raise aloft” and then to “defend the fair” to show “noble brawn.” If you read this as a slap to the face, I’m pretty damn sure that’s exactly what Caiti meant by it. And I really liked the juxtaposition here again. Her language choice, her diction, even harkens to the misogynist ideal that women are the “fairer” sex. So, this is a rebuke. A taunt. Calling out the white knight for being the white knight.

Sure, there is a fine line between being a genuine ally and a white knight. But is there really? The point is not to fight battles for women. But with them. As equals, as capable of defending themselves. But we all need help. And we have to stop the voices of misogyny from being the loudest. It doesn’t matter if you can’t change their mind. That’s simply not the point. The point is to let them know that their behavior, their misogyny, is not acceptable. It doesn’t matter if they think they’re right or not. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. We know they’ll probably never stop thinking they’re correct. But we can damn sure make sure they know that we do not accept them or their views. Right or wrong doesn’t matter there.

But the fact remains, the entire theme and point of this sonnet, is that silence is fucking worse. And so we come to the volta. The turn. The further emphasis of the theme and subject of the poem:

For silence, too, does wound with sharpest blade
when cries for help are met with empty aid.

Ask yourself what’s worse. Is it active hate and misogyny? Or is it apathy? The passive allowance of misogyny to happen? I know my answer. So does Caiti. “For silence, too, does wound with sharpest blade / when cries for help are met with empty aid.” The first quatrain asks the question: “In realms where good men claim to hold the reins / why stand so silent while the rogues take flight?” The turn, the final, heroic couplet answers what happens. Caiti sinks the knife deep into your heart. And man, she milks it here! “Cries for help are met with empty aid.” Ouch! But as painful as it is, the truth of it fucking stings. But it doesn’t hurt us as much as it does women.

Like I said, I almost didn’t pick this poem. I wasn’t sure this was my place to talk about this or that people want to hear this. I’ve seen so much about people wanting to avoid politics on their feeds. And, I’m right there with them. But this isn’t politics. It’s not even close. And the whole reason this is even a problem is because people don’t talk about it. So, my place or not, I will not have my voice be counted among the silent. So, I decided to feature Caiti’s sonnet because it’s important. Because it’s art. Because it speaks. Because as a stand alone piece, it’s a wonderful example of a sonnet. Because it’s a needed message.

We can’t be silent anymore. None of us can afford what will continue to happen if we stay silent. So, no more inside voice. No more silently ignoring while thinking you don’t agree. The misogynists need to know that the world does not accept their behavior. Or allow it.

Caiti, this is a powerful poem, an incredible sonnet, and I’m amazed at how you were able to tackle such an important message in the form of a traditional sonnet, complete with rhyme and meter. I’m impressed. But, I would also expect nothing less, because I have read your other poems (and I would encourage everyone else to as well) and you are a good poet and writer. I look forward to seeing what interesting prompt you’ll share each day (even if I don’t always do them). Thank you, for reaching out and sharing your work with me so that I could feature you here. And thank you for including this sonnet.