It’s not like the cute cartoon
where I come home after a bad day and just
seeing you—or being with you—
is enough to fix me.
The problem is not companionship. Yes—
I love you. But my brain is broken.
My emotions and depression don’t care
who I’m with or where I am.
I can be lonely
when I’m with someone—
and that type of alone is more profound and breaking
than being alone.
Because I don’t want to feel
alone with you.
But the darkness is not so easily dismissed—
it embraces the light.
Because shadows grow darker
the more intensely it shines.
I didn’t choose this—
so why would I be able to reject it?
There is not a switch.
I am not sad—
I am depressed.
JKolasch
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